We are a blended family and it was great for a whilebut now for the last yr or so I have moved into another room. This was devastating for her and the worse part is, it was useless for me as I learned that this in no way made up for a lack of sex in our marriage. Then I started to actually cringe when I was touched sexually. Which I know is part of the Trauma of my sexual aversion. Thank you for posting JO.. Life in my earlier years was passionate and active in the sex world. I panicked. Explain where your feelings come from. I dont want to hug, and I certainly am not going to kiss you. No way I could be in a relationship not that I can imagine anyway. Lust was unheard of! I do not know what to do. You explained it PERFECTLY! I myself am much happier single. As the old saying goes: this is but one of many stories I have to tell. Just remember.. her undesire to have sex with you, has nothing to do with you. It is good of you to still try so that it doesnt hurt him. We just process things differently and this is step one to figuring out this side of us. So the feelings mutual. Its obvious what she meant, and so many women feel that way. Yes, the same thing happened to me. seriously. In past times, explaining this just makes them feel guilty for having sex with me because they know I dont want to. The key is to find a way to discuss it with each other in a way that doesnt leave either of you feeling anger and guilt. Some common signs include: restlessness body tension frequent sexual thoughts and fantasies Frustration and repression occasionally play off each other. I appreciated and respected him but that was JUST IT. This relationship is not right. What could be the cause of this? Were looking for help. There is responsibility. I also grew up knowing that my father put a lot of pressure on my mother sexually and that made me extra sensitive to being used sexually, instead of being treated as an equal partner with sex being the natural outcome of that love. John Gottman, who wrote Why Marriages Succeed or Fail after studying 2000 married couples over two decades, found that contempt, criticism, and defensiveness ultimately lead to divorce. I admire you sticking with your wife through all the years. They are experiencing an aversion toward sex. Could they have dissociated those memories? Maybe you can get to this place too the healing and purging the negative energy stored in your body (if you dont believe it, listen to your thoughts and reactions to men and love) . single men sleep with everyone. I feel that sometimes it is best to let go. It does help to know Im not the only one, though. I am going threw a similar situation with my husband. I did not know there was a connection.. this could be your version of what is normal, and I guess that if this is how you have always been then this is your normal, but let me please tell you that there is so much to life that can be experienced with physical ouch and I hope that you will one day be able to see and feel that. A sex therapist could be helpful, but a trauma therapist or couples counselor could also be beneficial, especially if you are having trouble talking about your past with your partner. For me though, things are even worse. Thank you for your contribution. That is all they think about 24/7. God, I used to be at least somewhat normal. This is spot on. Its not that I dont want sex, but for some reason, I worry and panic about it. STILL DONT. OMG. Remember, Men are supposed to be spiritual leaders of women and families and be wanting healthy relationships with God and living right. I know this sounds stupid but it feels like it doesnt or shouldnt be affecting me anymore but I guess it still is. > in 2009 he threw me across a conference roomafter telling him that it was the last time we would stop him from taking a vacation as he saw fit I was crying that we had given him offers of the mid winter time and if hje would have just availed himself of that offer any time in the last 24 years. Because I wanted to keep the man that wanted them. We are not rich but solid middle-class. I feel now that it was caused by Body Dysmorphic Disorder and not feeling like anyone would find me attractive. okay i have bad sexual aversion due to trauma, however, I am very sexual, in that I tend to clear my mind in the moment and try not to think of what is being done to me or what I am doing and just do the task at hand. Uncovering and dealing with the Abuse has been quite painful, but far preferable to the decades of Limbo I endured. I was married to someone who berated me if I didnt provide sex on demand. I wish you all the best, and I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you. Maybe its because, that instead of hugging me when hes by me, he grabs my ass or breast instead.