He probably does what she says cause, you know, he's living under her roof (as did most of us). Theres one thing to say people grow and change naturally, but you shouldnt marry someone hoping you can change them, or that they WILL change because of dating/marriage. If you parent your partner, you are actually showing them a lack of acceptance and a lack of respect. They are strangely protective of each other. The first few months in a relationship are the foundation upon which you build the rest of it. Maybe the house is really stressed right now because of the quarantine. Good luck. It's not normal, but it is common in households without a parent figure for the oldest sibling to step into a parent-like role. He is generous in spirit and loyal as a puppy, but ultimately his view of you will always be shaped by that seen or unseen force: Mommy dearest. What if you love someone and let them go? As a single mom, I understand needing the oldest sibling to help with certain things, but it sounds like his mom is way too dependent on him. Cause if you both do then why throw him away when he's clearly about to move out as soon as the coronavirus situation makes it easier for him to do so. She deserves a boyfriend who treats her like a queen. She will poison him against you when she feels like she is losing control. It's hard to say what the future will look like. He cant see how weird it is because its just his life to him. This past year I've watched as a friend's mom turned on her, threw her out, and decided that she was the cause of all the mom's trouble. How can you say this will NEVER stop, you negative person who is so eager to make sure other people break up! She plays mind games with him by saying things like he doesnt have time for her now that his married. Your boyfriend is an older sibling so mom is dependent on him to help. Every time you pull him away she will find a way to pull him back. She deserves a boyfriend who is kind, patient, loving, gentle, and strong when he needs to be. He can't put her in her place if she upsets him; he's a people-pleaser and not very confident. Is she going to the extreme? I honeslty worried that he never would break the cycle. It's understandable if he can't right now, but you two need to have a candid discussion about what each of you needs, and are able to provide each other right now. By Laura Lifshitz Updated on Feb 16, 2023. It can happen between parents and children, siblings, partners, friends, etc. She was so mad at him for leaving, she dumped the near boiling hot grease in the trash can. So I very much second that he needs to recognise it as a problem, otherwise it will continue how it is and OP will have to be the increasingly accommodating one. How interested are you at this point? Many of your examples are not, in themselves, troubling. He's not their dad. and break up. Overall your boyfriend sounds like a good guy who was raised by a good mother who likely does the best she can with four mouths to house and feed. It doesnt sound like she has even met his family or been to the house. How to deal with my boyfriend's mom? His mother treats him like a His mom probably knows more about his relationships than a romantic partner would like, but if his mom doesn't like the person he loves, he's quick to tell her to back the F up if need be. WebSometimes, spouses may treat you as if you do not matter or are not valued in their lives. No reason to think he will be that way when he moves out and becomes independent. His mother is overly emotional and prone to mood swings. They'll say "they're doing their duty as a sibling!!" But lets not forget its really about your relationship with him. I am not her responsibility. How to set boundaries in a new relationship, Is an open relationship a bad idea? We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. But any misguided feelings that you might be able to do the work for him are only going to lead to bitter disappointment.