This kind of determination may be quite potent, especially when combined with the defiance that comes from the fact that no one else seems to think you could ever do it. like i have now I thought i needed to slow down my weight re gaining but this post has gave me piece of mind and i wont stop until i am back up to my old weight when i was healthy. Ho, Im 16 and was hospitalised last year after years of ANI was discharged late December and around March this year I reached a weight the outpatient clinic was happy with. This honestly was a God-send, and Ive felt hope for recovery for the first time since this started. Ive described in my post on the physical effects of weight gain the kinds of challenges that are to be expected in the weight-gain phase, and theyre physically excruciating for some people, and frightening for almost everyone. Lucas, A.R. There are days when I feel nostalgic for my eating disorder, but looking back, that was the lowest point of my life.. Ive been in recovery for 10 months, and have gained about 30 pounds. I just binge ate again and my stomach is looking/feeling especially massive. So I have been maintaining my current steady rate of weight over the last few years at around 900-1000 kcals . You can do this! When I knew thatbelly fat is a sign of recovery I could work on accepting it. But you can predict most things, and that makes it scary too, because anorexia hates being predictable. Babies get all chubby for a while and then have a growth spurt. Your body decides when you are nutritionally rehabilitated and there is no magic weight that this happens at. I know what that voice is & it has been gone for 9 years. Suicidal tendencies are relatively common in anorexia sufferers (Stein et al., 2003)suicide is an even more common cause of death in anorexia than starvation itself (see also Holm-Denoma et al., 2008)yet there are many who do not wish to die. Depression: Goodbye Serotonin, Hello Stress and Inflammation, How Blame and Shame Can Fuel Depression in Rape Victims, Getting More Hugs Is Linked to Fewer Symptoms of Depression, Interacting With Outgroup Members Reduces Prejudice, You Can't Control Your Teen, But You Can Influence Them. This might seem negativenow you cant diet and control your weight as others do, because itll keep you illbut actually its a massive positive. Even objectively positive things like the return of your period or your breasts, signs in females of a re-emergence of life and fertility (which is a basic evolved marker of a minimal level of health), can induce panic because they seem to signal a loss of control, when in fact they denote the opposite: a brave and powerful wresting back of control from anorexia. Some of my thoughts address the physiological side of things and some address the cognitive aspects. Eating Disorder Real recovery comes only once all those stages are completed. I am in no means anorexia c again. You can get through this. You need to be on board with your body, and you need to trust your body. So yeah, thanks for the reassurance! I find mine get right on my tummy but legs are super loose, if I go up a size I look awful, and dresses make me look pregnant. Tabitha, thank you, THANK YOU for putting this on your site. My belly looks 6 mo this Preg fat bottom and thighs. Deep down I kno I need to gain weight but already after those few binges feel I have put on too much too fast . hey.i found this post and it gave me a little hope.im 20, male 6ft tall and i currently weigh 9 stonei currently feel that im at my worse as im currently eating 200-500 calories a day and some days i dont eat at all i feel fat all the time and im terrified that if i eat more than 500 ill gain weight and get fat.i dont know what to do anymore or who to talk to.im sitting here now and i havent eaten in 2 days and i just feel so down an trapped like there is no way out . Thanks. Abstract here. Hello, recently I received news from a blood test that I was having problems with my liver and among other things, symptoms that pointed to an eating disorder and not eating enough. Ill come back to read again when I start to lose hope. I dont understand. I really hope this works out for me. I know your frustration, fears, and pain. PostedFebruary 22, 2014 The pain of losing can lead to exaggerated thoughts. I commonly find my self eating cookie after cookie, or a spoon ful or two of ice cream multiple times, or just a just a large amount of yummy stuff I missed throughout the day. I found that when I was really really eating enough protein and fat at mealtime the urge to binge on sweet foods dissolved. Full text here. For most sufferers undertaking recovery without in-patient treatment, the complications will be unpleasant but not life-threatening. Its really nice to know that I am not alone in this, and the same with all the other comments. Keeping one's mind focused on the reasons that contributed to the decision to embark on recovery can help in this regard. I realized even after reading that much that was all I had needed.